Confessions from the David Galaxy Affair (1979)

In Confessions from the David Galaxy Affair, the third film to star sexy British siren Mary Millington — but just barely — we enter immediately into the ultimately sleazy conquests of decidedly non-sexy psychic David Galaxy (Alan Lake) as he hosts a beauty pageant filled with mostly topless women. Apparently, if you’re into sexually harassing women, late-1970s Britain was the place to be!

Part James Bond (the worst part) investigative police are hot on his tail, apparently for a 1930s robbery a few years back that really makes no sense. Still, Galaxy goes from the bare bosoms of women with low self-esteem to the creamy thighs of women with even lower self-esteem, for reasons that are unknown to me, extreme horniness aside.

One of the said buxom broads includes the famed Millington as a society debutante, complete with a cockney accent. While there is very little backstory to her with exception of “she’s rich,” their highly horny encounter has a bar full of lecherous perverts listening via ham radio as she duly shags his brains out, not that he really had any.

Maybe I’m expecting far too much from late ’70s British softcore pornography — let’s call a spade a spade, right? — but Galaxy is such a smirking dullard that you actively cheer on the cops, hoping they bust him then take him to a back alley and beat his brains in with a truncheon, paying for his crimes against women with life in prison and a permanent limp.

And, I assume, for the dated robbery as well. —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.

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