Hey, everybody, it’s spring break! Never mind that we all look like we’re 30 and in vo-tech! Or that our old, gross neighbor lurking around the house in broad daylight is trying to kill us! Let’s party hearty! Woooooohoooooo!
There you have Sorority Slaughter in a nutshell (unsalted, mind you, due to budgetary constraints). It’s a relentlessly stupid, plotless exercise in misogyny, wicker furniture, wood paneling, shag carpeting, hairy arms, Korean deli-counter gore, American cellulite, acid-washed denim, pawed asses and lawn chairs for those asses. But mostly misogyny and wood paneling, given this is a shot-on-VHS production of the mail-order murder specialists of the New Jersey-based W.A.V.E. Productions.
I could and would forgive all that, except it’s so oppressively mundane. With W.A.V.E. impresario Gary Whitson ostensibly writing and directing, Sorority Slaughter stars stalwart Sal Longo as the neighbor who individually — and very, very slowly — sacrifices the cast members one by one to the devil himself. It also features more minutes of car washing than Car Wash, The Bikini Carwash Company and The Bikini Carwash Company 2 combined. (You know what? Imma throw Cool Hand Luke in there, too.)
Look for cameos from scream queen Titanic 2000’s Tina Krause, TV Guide and a shelf full of Reader’s Digest Condensed Books — or don’t look at all. That last option gets my highest recommendation. —Rod Lott