The Expendables (2010)

What do you get when you put Rambo, The Transporter, The Punisher, The One, Johnny Handsome, John McClane, The Terminator, American Streetfighter and a couple of wrestlers into one movie? The Expendables, bitch!

Sylvester Stallone’s action opus is struck from the ol’ mercenaries-on-a-mission template, like The Dirty Dozen or even Inglourious Basterds, minus eight Oscar nominations. Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture and Terry Crews comprise The Expendables, a “fry or die” freelance team hired to go to some foreign island and take down a surly dictator, played by that chubby detective from Dexter who always wears the hat. (Here, he wears a beret.)

As expected, the script is stupid, the acting is atrocious, but the action scenes are kick-ass — gratuitous, over-the-top violence where bad guys can get sliced in two with the flick of a knife. In other words, when’s the freakin’ sequel? Next time, Sly, you need to throw in Blade, The Glimmer Man, Snake Plissken, The Marine, Bloodfist, American Ninja, The Perfect Weapon and — oh, what the hell — Lionheart. Certainly they can’t be all that busy. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

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