I’m not sure why I yearned for a Johnny Mnemonic re-watch to reveal a misdiagnosed classic, but I did have hopes. After all, many of my favorites began with a first-viewing sneer of contempt: Prince of Darkness, Lifeforce, From Beyond — all movies to which I gave a cautious-but-gratifyingly-successful second chance. Could Johnny be due for a reappraisal?
Nope. It still blows.
A quick re-cap: In 2021, half of the Earth’s population suffers from something known as Nerve Attenuation Syndrome. Johnny (Matrix man Keanu Reeves, ), a mnemonic data courier whose brain has been cleared of memory to become a transportable hard drive, is hired to carry mysterious information that makes him a target of the yakuza. Much poorly choreographed adventure ensues as Johnny’s path to salvation leads him to a diverse and frankly weird assortment of actors; Dina Meyer (Starship Troopers) as a violence-prone bodyguard, Henry Rollins (Wrong Turn 2: Dead End) as a nerdy doctor, Ice-T (Surviving the Game) as a pirate hacker, and Udo Kier (Blade) in the all-important role as “the character obviously played by Udo Kier.”
It’s not the dated effects; it’s unfair to judge on FX limitations that seemed cutting-edge at the time. It’s not the ridiculousness of the plot, as that’s hardly a barometer for enjoyment (although William Gibson’s short story and initial screenplay are far more interesting than what ended up onscreen). It’s not the actors, all of whom seem intent on making the damn thing work. No, the blame rests almost wholly with Robert Longo, a gent who took a $25 million budget — reputedly the largest ever for a Canadian production at the time — and directed a movie that looks as cheap as the cheapest flick Albert Pyun ever shat out. Which is cheap indeed. Like, Kickboxer 4 cheap.
There’s a good movie in there somewhere. I don’t look to have an automatic hate-on when I pop in a DVD. I want to like a film. And I like these ideas. I like the concept of hacking the brain to become a portable hard drive. I find the concept of our technology eventually causing an epidemic intriguing. I even like the enhanced dolphin that serves as the brain of the underground movement.
And I like Reeves, an actor who too often serves as an easy punching bag but who, with the right director, honestly can bring it. But not here. Every actor in Johnny Mnemonic has on past and future occasions proved effective, even memorable in the right role. But with no leadership, all in attendance give performances subpar enough to disqualify them from appearing in even a Syfy sharkcentric pooptacular starring Lorenzo Lamas and Donna D’Errico.
Longo is so inept a filmmaker he cannot even take a religious-freak assassin who stabs people with a knife/crucifix while in the guise of a genetically modified Dolph Lundgren and make him interesting. How is that even possible? —Corey Redekop
I liked Prince of Darkness and From Beyond the first time I saw them. Haven’t been able to bring myself to watch Lifeforce again. Once was enough.
This movie… You’re absolutely right about the cheap look and feel of the film. And definitely the bad acting. But most of all, I was incredibly bored by it.