In the Jules Verne adaptation The Fabulous Journey to the Centre of the Earth, one word in the Spanish production’s title is grossly inaccurate. Can you guess which?
After acquiring a map purported to share the whereabouts of you-know-what, Professor Otto Lindenbrock (Kenneth More, The Sheriff of Fractured Jaw) embarks on a mission to you-know-where, by way of Mount Sneffels — a landmark that could not sound more stupid, except that it does with each subsequent utterance. Accompanying the professor are nancy-boy Axel (Pep Munné, Girl with the Golden Panties), who narrates, and muscle-for-rent Hans (Pieces’ Frank Braña), who is paid in sheep. Inviting herself is Glabuen (Ivonne Sentis, China 9, Liberty 37), who is not only the professor’s rock-collecting niece, but Axel’s girlfriend.
Although Juan Piquer Simón (the aforementioned Pieces) went to the lengths of helming his film in an actual cave, don’t expect any sort of spatial geography, other than knowing the characters want to descend. At one point, Axel’s voice-over mentions “an exciting adventure,” despite no proof of such onscreen. And I say that knowing full well the movie features such sights as giant mushrooms, man-eating tortoises, cave-dwelling dinosaurs, bath-toy sea monsters, a Kmart King Kong and a lava-spewing volcano — and yet, very little of all of the above. It’s a real patience-frayer.
In terms of production design, costuming and men’s grooming habits, Simón nails the 19th-century look, although the cast’s prim-and-proper affectations and behaviors suggest a setting more Hereford than Hamburg. Performance-wise, More is the most grounded; Munné and Sentis, overly theatrical; and Spanish cinema legend Jack Taylor (Edge of the Axe) literally sits through much of his minor role.
While Fabulous Journey (aka Where Time Began) is not the worst Verne adaptation I’ve seen, it’s photo-finish close. With feasible naïveté, it hews so faithfully to the novel that it emerges stuffy and starched. Lob whichever insults you’d like at Simón’s other, less respectable Verne picture, 1981’s Mystery on Monster Island, but boring, it is not. —Rod Lott