That Turbulence II: Fear of Flying star Craig Sheffer returns to the direct-to-video sequel as a different character isn’t the strangest aspect of Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal. It may not even make the top five.
After all, this final flight of the plane-crazy forced franchise is about a death-metal concert livestreamed from a Trans-Con Airlines 747 making its way from L.A. to Toronto. Somehow, the band’s members, fans and groupies make it through the metal detectors, what with all their chains, studs and labia piercings. Hosted by a Z Web TV personality vacuum-packed in black leather (former underage Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Monika Schnarre), the gig marks the farewell performance for the Marilyn Manson-esque Slade Craven (Spirit of the West frontman John Mann).
Why farewell? For starters, it appears that the satanic singer has hijacked the plane, killed the pilot and ordered a reroute to Eastern Kansas, “one of the unholiest places on earth” because it’s believed to be a direct portal to hell. So there’s that.
On the ground, an FBI computer expert (Body Snatchers’ Gabrielle Anwar) taps Nick Watts, a hacker she’s been chasing for years, to gain access to the Z Web TV feed so the authorities can strategize to avert disaster. Watts is played by the aforementioned Sheffer, demoted to supporting duties here, perhaps on account of an appearance — wispy mustache, spike-moussed hair and too much bandana — that suggests he came to set straight from auditioning for a made-for-cable biopic of Axl Rose.
If there’s one thing Hollywood depicts exceedingly well … um, it sure didn’t board before Turbulence 3 left the gate, and sure as Hades isn’t hacking! Nonetheless, Jorge Montesi, director of the immortal Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?, gives viewers scene after scene of Anwar and Sheffer sitting side by side, navigating programs and databases that conjure memories of HyperCard and MacDraw Pro. The two actors share no chemistry, which is odd considering they were a real-life item for several years, even having a child together.
While Joe Mantegna (The Godfather: Part III) hardly phones it in as an FBI agent, one can sense his pain every minute he’s onscreen, having gone from speaking the dialogue of Pulitzer Prize winner David Mamet to that of camera operator Wade Ferley, whose lone screenplay Turbulence 3 is. Conversely, as a TCA co-pilot, Rutger Hauer (Wanted Dead or Alive) looks pleased as punch to literally sit and collect that check.
Because it features a lot of terrible music — the kind whose album art is ready-made for unauthorized reproductions on locker mirrors won at state fairs — Turbulence 3 can’t be as much fun as Turbulence II, even when accounting for the hilarious ending of a commercial airliner having to be landed by a shock rocker whose makeup screams Roger Corman’s The Crow overdue for a haircut. —Rod Lott